He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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