I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
