Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Come on in and take your pants off
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
