Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
