Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
