Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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