ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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