you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
