I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
