Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
