we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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