I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
