We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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