is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
