Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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