Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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