Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
