I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Fuck appropriateness.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She told me I should be a condom model.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
This baby is an asshole
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
