In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
