kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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