either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
