Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
