So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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