This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
