Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
