Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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