Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
