I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
