I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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