Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize