HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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