Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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