mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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