think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
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how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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