im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
