so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
