i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
