Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize