sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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