I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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