"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
