Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
