the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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