I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
