shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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