My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
