If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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