I feel great
I just peed on a car
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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