How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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