Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
