Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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