He is an equal opportunity slut.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
