she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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