Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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