I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
