Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
