I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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