I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
