i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
