I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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