So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Everything about him screamed your future.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Randomize
