All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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