Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
