That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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