Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
How does one acquire holy water?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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