I CAN MOONWALK!
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
