i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
This house was built for laser tag.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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