Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
