His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
