I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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