I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
