We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
