Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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