I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
