you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
