I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize