i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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