I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
