Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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