Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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