Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Drunk is a universal language darling
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
