FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
