I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
