So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
