I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
