Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
