every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You're like the curious george of whores
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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