No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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