I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
