No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
