Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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