final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
