You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I supernannyed him into submission
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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