so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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