my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Oh god it's open bar.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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